Mood:  lucky

ok so although that earlier post may have sounded pretty upbeat, today was a pretty miserable day due to retarded complications from the human brain not agreeing with rediculous emotions. but then i was just about to go to bed, and then paul started talking to me. and he knew i was upset, so we talked for a while, and it helped me so much. it turned out that he's pretty much been through the same thing that i have, and i had no idea. and i dunno, he just made everything seem so much clearer and i just want to thank you paul. you are one of my bestest friends ever in the entire world. and i know how much u hate it when friends go off to college and then you grow apart, but paul, i dont want to lose you like that, so if that starts to happen next year when im in orlando, just punch me in the face and yell at me lol.

but seriously, paul explained to me that sometimes it will be hard to trust God, and u will be frustrated, but how can we avoid that? ya know? its life. so i think, and although i had to learn this the hard way, i think God was simply trying to bring me back to Him. He knew I started taking control over my own life, but i was too caught up with everything i didnt even notice. i was ignoring the only person I can trust, and thats God. and so just now, while talking with paul, i finally realized that God knows whats best for me, and He simply puts me through stuff like this in order to draw me closer to Him. He hates the trials He gives me just as much as I do, but i know now that these trials are necessary. yes, im upset about all the confusion in my life right now, but im much more upset about the fact that i wasnt allowing God in my life to guide me.

I just thoughtd i share that with you, while it was still fresh in my mind, i am feeling like 200% better now hehe. and paul, i love you! thank you, im so lucky to have such a good friend like you!

cindi lou