Well, lately I've been slackin a lot on my spiritual life. For some reason whenever I'm thinkin that I need to read my Bible, I always come up with an excuse. And then later I feel really bad, because God doesn't come up with excuses. When He was forming me, he didn't stop and say He'll try again another time, or maybe not at all. When He's hard at work making miracles, He doesn't say He's bored and walks away. So why is it so hard for me to pick up my Bible every day for half an hour and read and meditate, but so easy for me to press the power button on the tv remote? I get so frustrated with myself because I'm such a retard and I have no right to treat my God like this. My God who has saved me, and protected me, and blessed me, and created me. My God who watches over me, and loves me more than any human could understand. My God who sent His SON just for me! and I feel like I have done absolutely nothing to thank Him. But STILL I spend more time wrapped up in myself than I do thinking about Him, reading His word, or thanking Him for everything wonderful and beautiful He has made. Why is this? I am filled with so many flaws and mistakes and imperfections. But then I think about my missionaries who live far far away spending all day telling everyone about Jesus. Those missionaries are selfless and very strong. Why can't I be like that? Why is it so difficult for me to focus on the One thing that truly matters in life?

My God, my Father,

The One that made me,

The One that saved me.

I feel I've been a bother.

What right have I to push you aside?

I have no right.

I have no fight.

I think nothing and go with the ride.

You have loved me before I was born.

You have always been my rock.

you have always been my block.

And for my nonexistant gratitude, I mourn.

I am human, and far from perfect.

But you knew this, and gave me Your Son.

You know this, and love me even when I run.

Because You are perfect.

I love you Lord, You are always here for me.

When I'm down, and when I'm up.

Running over is my cup.

Your mercy and glory I will forever see.

love cindi