Mood:  irritated

It sucks to be a girl,

So bad, I want to hurl.

The war of hormones inside me

Is easy for anyone to see.

I’m pissed for no reason

Three times a season.

I yell, kick, and scream

‘cause it’s no good dream.

A squirrel crossing the frickin street

makes me so mad, im red as a beet.

I cry, melt, and stress

‘cause everything’s a mess.

I am serious when I say

PMS will ruin a day.

It’s like the constant gloomy feeling:

Of your head too close to the ceiling,

Everyone is out to get you,

Simultaneously stepping in goo, doo, and poo,

Chocolate is extinct,

It’s impossible to blink,

Life sucks,

And I really hate ducks.

Now imagine all that,

But times 3 billion, and in the middle of combat.

And even that is an understatement

But nothing frickin rhymes with understatement

Because life sucks as a girl,

So bad, I want to hurl.

Mood:  not sure

Woooow, so sorry. It has been a while since i've written. I've got so much on my plate it's ridiculous. But i've got even more on my mind, but i have no idea how to put it to words. Today i went with my mom to switch over the car to my name and such, and a bunch of insurance crap and blah blah de dah. and my mom is freaking me out a lot asking me what i want to do with the house and such if my parents suddnely die or something. and im just like AAAHHHH i dont know! i mean i enjoy living in my sheltered life where i believe that no one dies lol. i mean lately i have been realizing a lot that life is short, its as simple as that. and it sucks. i freak out when im having fun sometimes cuz i know it wont last forever, and time just flies by way too fast when im having fun. im so scared to die, but im even more scared to have my loved ones die. i think life was just made to be short so we could cherish it even more. my english teacher told me yesterday that if there wasnt death, then there wouldnt be love. because love exists knowing that it cant last forever, and that there will be an end. im not sure what to think of this yet. but its always there in the back of my head now.

and also it comes to my attention more and more that this world is starting to lose all sense of morale. its so disheartening. i know it is not my place to judge, but thats the biggest thing i struggle with. but its sooooooo hard for me to just sit back, and forget about people and their sins and just be close friends with them still, because their constant sinning is always there in my mind, and i dont know what to do. but everyday i just realize more and more and frickin more that this world is going down the tubes and nobody cares about anything anymore. 

so yea, there's a lot more on my mind, but im just too overloaded with crap right now im just like AAAHHHHH so maybe lata. but thats good nuff for now. so meh, whatever. 

~ cindi lou

Mood:  surprised

I know being a christian and all, it would be bad of me to say that I used to believe that prayer seemed kind of pointless. But I did used to think that, I mean I still prayed a lot, but I wondered why would I need to if God knew everything? ya know?

But now that opinion has completely turned around. Lately I have been extremely stressed out, not even for me, but I am so worried about some of my friends. Just this week so many people have come up to me for help, for comfort, for questions about God, etc etc. It was so overwhelming, I wanted to scream. But I stopped myself and instead, opened my door cuz I knew I needed to be a shining light and I cant just give up on people that need me. But sometimes, actually scracth that, most of the time, there is really nothing that you can do, but provide your friendship, and your prayer. And, that sucks. I hate feeling hopeless. I hate wanting to help somebody so bad, but knowing that you cant. All you can do is pray. I HATE that feeling. Mainly because when we pray, we dont hear back from God, it's a one way conversation, and it's frustrating. 

But 2 nights ago I was extreeeemely freaking out for one of my friends. I have never talked to someone so depressed. I was so worried but could do nothing. I was literally sitting there drowning in my tears, feeling so hopeless, not knowing what to do. So I prayed, I prayed so much that night, I couldnt think of anything else to do. And even though I didnt hear back from God, I knew He was listening, I knew He was there, and I knew He was there to comfort me. I fell asleep talking to Him that night. And the very next day, I talked with the girl, and already things were looking up, it was incredible, I didn't believe it, I had to take it all in. And today, just 2 days after that night, she is smiling and laughing, and she is cheery again, and all her problems seem to be disappearing. It's amazing!!!! I am praising the Lord! I have never ever realized the power of prayer until yesterday. It's so nice to just be reminded once in a while that God is listening, and He does care. I love Him. And I know He loves me, and I know He enjoys hearing from me. So now, I pray so much more now. Prayer can make a difference, it's not just a measley chore that you have to do before you eat, or before you go to bed. It's worship, it's love, and its simply talking to the Creator of all things! And idk, I dont know how else to make my point, except prayer is so important. God wants to hear from you, so talk to Him!!! 

love cindi lou

p.s. READ THESE VERSES: Philippians 4:6-7, James 5:16, Romans 8:26

sorry im failing as a blog writer... i totally underestimated the impact of 5 classes, 4 being hardcore science classes, a boyfriend, tennis assitant coach, and being in an orchestra now. if i thought i experienced stress and exhaustion before, that was nothing compared to what im going through now. i feel like i can't please anybody, not even myself, because there's never enough hours in a day, and not enough of me to spread around lol. i know it sounds silly, but its so true. i love all my friends for putting the sunshine in my days. i love you all and i couldnt make it without you all. and fatu, you're crazy for putting up with me lol.

 cinni =]

James 1:2-4

Mood:  a-ok

okay, well its a new year. and i have a couple of goals. im gonna read the bible all the way through in one year. it seems easy to read the whole darn thing in a year, but for some reason i find it hard to do, usually it takes me more than a year. but im inspired, i know a lot of people who read the bible twice in one year! so no more of my excuses, i need to stop being so retarded.

second, im joining the gym with kevin! and plus im gonna be Edgewood's assistant tennis coach this season, so im gonna be in tip top shape :) im excited.

and third, because i now have a boyfriend, its still weird saying that, its been a while, but i gotta promise myself not to ignore my bffs, cuz i know that sucks. and also, not to let anyone, not just fatu, get in the way of the relationship that I have with God. :)

Mood:  flirty

wow sorry i havent written in a while. i have been slackin. my bad. but anyways, been crazy busy. i was in pennsylvania for 2 weeks without access to a computer, so i can blame it on that :-p. but anyways, i saw snow for the first time finally!!!!! i made a snowman and a snowangel and i went sledding, and i went snowboarding (which is extremely painful on the butt! but sooo worth it!). and i got lost in my pop's woods for 3 hours!!! then i found a creek and pretended i was that guy on Man vs Wild and followed the running water and i found my way back home. but it was scary cuz i saw bear tracks everywhere! and i also ran through a corn field for the first time and i climbed a mountain to the very top!!! it was the trip of a lifetime, i didnt want to leave. pennsylvania was so beautiful. it was a relief to see so much land and trees and mountains, it was awesome! it gets really old living on flat land covered in houses and buildings all the time. but because of the vacation i totally have decided that i definitly wont be living in Florida all my life now. it would kill me. lol.

anyways, sorry this blog doesnt have a message or moral or anything. just wanted to catch ya up a bit. peace out. :)

cinni

Mood:  energetic

I AM DONE! today was my last exam day for this semester, oh, the hallelujah chorus is so beautiful.  after all our exams, me, taylor, kevin, and fatu hung out for the rest of the day. pure bliss. i love my friends. i could not be more blessed, seriously. i have been having such good days lately and i know its mainly cuz of my buds. i love em.

but in the meantime...boys are so confusing! lol. I mean, dont get me wrong, i love them. heck, i barely hang out with any girls anymore haha but sometimes i just wish i knew what they were thinking. and they are always complaining how they dont understand us girls either, and its quite amusing. haha, if only there was some sort of freetranslation.com for guy to girl, and girl to guy. but eh, whatever, personally i think God made our minds' confusing and rediculous so He could have some entertainment out of it. lol...

<3 cinni

Mood:  sad

I never realized how angry I could get until tonight. And dang, I am reeeeeally sorry. Generally, I am a kind person. I keep all my anger inside me, most of the time, only my true friends have seen me angry. But today, I blew up. I dont like it when I see my bffs hurt, and lets just say for future reference, never ever ever ask cindi houser to talk to the person that is hurting you, cuz it will not be pretty. i mean i know she needed a talkin to...but that was baaaad. nobody deserved what came out of my mouth. so right now i feel like crap, i feel like satan. but i guess it had to be done. idk. i feel horrible! i did not know i was capable of being so mean :( this is rediculous. i hate drama. this is why i have all guy bffs. but i guess that wont even keep me from the drama lol.

but when i see my friends hurt, then i am hurt, thats just how it is. i cant stand it.  i dont even feel like writing this blog anymore. i dont know how to explain myself. i feel too broken to explain. i know that sounds rediculous, because it is. but thats how im built, i see someone cry, i cry. God gave me an extremely soft heart, which I guess will be good for my future nursing career, but right now, it SUCKS! because when a close friend of mine is down, then i am down twice as hard. cuz i feel their pain, but i feel worse, cuz i know i cant fix it. but whatever, im out. ive had enough. as much as i would like to wake up tomorrow and forget what has happened, i know that wont happen. so i apologize. im a jerk. im an a**. im ugly, im fat. im a butthead. im evil. ill be getting coal for christmas...gnight. 

Mood:  chillin'

I'm really scared. I'm scared of losing my best friends. I look back at elementary school, middle school, and even high school even though it was a year ago, I have realized the "best" friends I had I dont talk to at all anymore. That's depressing. I mean I honestly dont care much about those people anyway, but it reminds me about how easy people can fade, and that scares me cuz the best friends I have today, I never ever want to lose, no matter how far we move away, and no matter how much we become busy and absorbed with other things. I dont want to lose them. I hate it when some of my friends fall in love, its annoying, I mean Im glad for them, I really am, I mean if you are able to find love, than thats just plain awesome, it truly is cuz its hard to find. But on the on the other hand, I hate it, cuz they dont realize how much they totally abandon the other people they loved before the girlfriend/boyfriend came along. It's funny how things can happen so easily like that. I mean...it sucks. But *sigh* whatev, these things just happen, and you cant help it.

But I think its gonna be ok, I mean, I dont think there will be any way to seperate me from Kevin, Victor, Paul, and now people like Fatu and Matt. They are totally awesome and I love them all to death, and I cant even picture a world without them and I know/desperately hope that they cant picture a world without me.