Mood:  down

well, i just did not have a good week. jamison has left me, i think he hates me or something lol. i dunno. but i dont think i did anything wrong. i mean i talked to him like twice online for like 2 seconds this entire week. i dont understand whats wrong, and i dont think he's meaning to hurt me like this by ignoring me, he's just really busy i guess, and idk, i feel like he doesnt exactly care about me anymore. but um, i definitly realized that whenever i have another boyfriend, im gonna promise myself not to forget about my bffs. i told kevin that if i started hanging out with a bf too much and not with my bffs anymore, than he has my permission to punch me in the face and beat me up until I realize the situation lol. and on top of all that, a reeeeally close friend of mine confessed to me that she is sexually active with her boyfriend, and she is an athiest. can u believe that? i mean dang, i took that really hard. im so angry right now, i dont know what to say. i told her i was really disappointed. why do people have sex before marriage? i mean even it wasnt a religious issue? i mean, when people have sex before marriage, they dont have anything to look forward to, it is hard to discern lust from love, the emotional attachment becomes physical, STDs, unwanted pregnancies, and you're giving urself up! but once you are married, you know the other person loves you for who you are, and not for the sex, you are in a major committment so the chances of ur partner leaving you are far far far less. sigh, i just dont get it. to me, sex before marriage is disgusting, ungodly, morally wrong, and if u do it, then i have lost every ounce of respect that I had for you in a second. im done, im just done with all this crap that has been happening to me lately. what is flippin wrong with this world? why is it so hard to come across a person nowadays that does NOT sleep around and get drunk every weekend? i hate this, im frickin cryin my eyes out, and i dont know what to do. im so sick of this. im sick of school, im sick of atheists, im sick of being ignored, im sick of sluts, im sick of being ugly, im sick of all the tears, im sick of doctors that wont tell me whats frickin wrong with my blood, and im sick of hypocrites.

cinni