Mood:  down

well, i just did not have a good week. jamison has left me, i think he hates me or something lol. i dunno. but i dont think i did anything wrong. i mean i talked to him like twice online for like 2 seconds this entire week. i dont understand whats wrong, and i dont think he's meaning to hurt me like this by ignoring me, he's just really busy i guess, and idk, i feel like he doesnt exactly care about me anymore. but um, i definitly realized that whenever i have another boyfriend, im gonna promise myself not to forget about my bffs. i told kevin that if i started hanging out with a bf too much and not with my bffs anymore, than he has my permission to punch me in the face and beat me up until I realize the situation lol. and on top of all that, a reeeeally close friend of mine confessed to me that she is sexually active with her boyfriend, and she is an athiest. can u believe that? i mean dang, i took that really hard. im so angry right now, i dont know what to say. i told her i was really disappointed. why do people have sex before marriage? i mean even it wasnt a religious issue? i mean, when people have sex before marriage, they dont have anything to look forward to, it is hard to discern lust from love, the emotional attachment becomes physical, STDs, unwanted pregnancies, and you're giving urself up! but once you are married, you know the other person loves you for who you are, and not for the sex, you are in a major committment so the chances of ur partner leaving you are far far far less. sigh, i just dont get it. to me, sex before marriage is disgusting, ungodly, morally wrong, and if u do it, then i have lost every ounce of respect that I had for you in a second. im done, im just done with all this crap that has been happening to me lately. what is flippin wrong with this world? why is it so hard to come across a person nowadays that does NOT sleep around and get drunk every weekend? i hate this, im frickin cryin my eyes out, and i dont know what to do. im so sick of this. im sick of school, im sick of atheists, im sick of being ignored, im sick of sluts, im sick of being ugly, im sick of all the tears, im sick of doctors that wont tell me whats frickin wrong with my blood, and im sick of hypocrites.

cinni

Mood:  not sure

I know I have many bffs, but when u read this, u will know it is u im talking about. I would just like to apologize. The reason I have been grumpy toward u lately, is cuz i miss you. I miss talking to u for hours online, i miss getting texts from you, i miss hanging out with u on sunday afternoons. i guess since i am starting to hang with a certain boy more often now i havent really had the time to talk to u as much and i just realized that, and i am reeeeally reeeeally sorry for that. i dont like the fact that u live so far away from my house, or else i would be having wendys picnics with u all the time lol. but now...and this is hard for me to say, cuz i dunno its kinda weird lol, but i am actually jealous of u liking that girl right now. i am not jealous in the sense that i like you too, its not that, i mean i love ya lol, but not in that way. i am jealous that u r spending so much time with her, i am jealous that u talk to her so much online now, that i feel left out. i am jealous that u go out of ur way to spend time with her in merritt island like all the time it seems now, when u never drove once to merritt island to hang out with me. i am jealous that u have now given up ur sunday afternoons (which was the only time we could ever hang out)...to be with her. But I would just like to apologize. I'm a frickin idiot for treating u so badly bff, i am just a grumpy ol grouch, that is all, and i should not be angry with u for liking somebody haha cuz that is just rediculous. and im sorry bff, i love you. but not only that, i am worried about you, cuz i know how soft ur heart is, and i just wish u would be more careful, cuz i know what u r like when u r hurt badly, and i would give anything not to see u so heartbroken again. but bff if u really like her, i dont want to discourage u, who am i to have a say in the matter? i wish u the best and i love you and i sincerely apologize for being such a jerk.

love cindi lou

Mood:  blue

well, havent exactly had the best week, not gonna lie. ive failed a bunch of quizzes, everyday i dream about dropping out of college and becoming a firefighter. seriously, that just seems so much better than what im putting myself through haha. on monday i had to go in for another blood test so i get to the doctors office and they're like "well, we cant do this certain test because its too complicated, so u have to go to the hospital." and i was like "yay." so i go to the friggin hospital to lose lots of blood, it was fun fun fun! then yesterday one of my best friends who i love a lot, and he's my favorite person to hang out with and laugh with and go on adventures with told me he's joining the marines! ...THE MARRIIIINNNEEEEESSS!!!! after our conversation ended, i cried, im not gonna lie, i cried. im gonna miss him soooo much! i would prolly feel a lot better if he was entering a different branch, but i mean the MARINES! come on! it worries me, and im praying alot for him and i dont know what im gonna do without him :( and then today i got a call from the doctor and he said that my blood is still definitly not as good as he hoped and wants me to come in again tomorrow for ANOTHER FRIGGIN BLOOD TEST even though that i have 4 blood tests and they still keep telling me to come in! i hate this! its freaking me out, i mean i dont really know much of what is going on, but they are acting like i have cancer, and well ya know, cancer = a field full of sunflowers, daizies and bunnies frolicking around. and ughh im just so stressed, i have a million papers due, a million clarinet performances and practices, a million muscles to memorize by heart for anatomy, and now, a million ounces of blood to lose before my doctors friggin tell me whats going on!!!

sorry, haha im not normally this crazy and upset...

cind

Mood:  irritated

I dont understand, nor will I ever understand why people spread rumors. No matter how small or big they are, they are all the same to me. It's annoying, obnoxious, and angrifying. And the worst part is, you can do absolutely nothing about it. As soon as the match is lit, the fire is spread. But why do people start rumors? Are they mad? Are they jealous? Are they simply just bored and want some sort of sick entertainment out of it all? I dont understand! I thought I left all this crappy drama when I finished high school! But no, I guess some immature person out there hates me or something and felt like spreading a stinkin rumor in order to see me suffer. And it's not like I have done anything to upset anybody! I try my hardest, and I really do try my extreme hardest, to treat people how I would want to be treated. So I just dont understand, its all nonsense and rediculous to me. But anyways on the bright side, before today, I had the best weekend of my life. :)

sigh...

cinni

Mood:  not sure

so last night at the party the results were pretty quick. we found out at like 11 that obama won, so the party kinda died after that. i mean the party was really fun, minus the fact that obama will be the next president. but gosh facebook is driving me mad now, cuz every single status is either "go obama! mccain was a failure!" or "this is rediculous! im moving to europe!" its the two extremes, but there is no medium. it makes me want to throw up. i hate it. yes, i am sad that obama won, but people need to stop debating already, its over. if u want to move to europe or canada, go ahead, no one is stopping you, ir ur gonna give up that easily and run from ur problems, america does not need you anyway. but as for me, i know that it was God's plan to have obama as the next president, so i will go on with my life and continue to follow Him, and try my best to please Him. so i think instead of argueing and crying and whining like everybody seems to be doing lately, why dont we pray? and as for the democrats rubbing it in our faces, well i feel bad for you. i dont understand ur morals, i dont understand ur beliefs, but that wont stop me from continuing having a friendship with you. i dont like it when politics gets in the way of relationships, so i try my best to avoid that. so please people, lets just accept the fact that the election is over, mccain lost, obama won, and lets be friends again. no more debates please! no more crying! let's be good americans and just make this country as thriving and amazing as we possibly can. thanks haha. <3 this time i really mean it when i say peace out, seriously, PEACE!

cin

Mood:  happy

today i voted in my first presidential election!!!GO MCCAIN!!! haha, it was really exciting, i went with my mom. she was so proud of me hehe she took me to dennys for breakfast, p.s. they have the best french toast in the world. but anyways, it was quite exciting, there was no line at all it was weird, i was in the lodge for no longer than 5 minutes, it was amazing. but anyways going to an election party at the murrays tonight, i just hope the party is still happy and enthusiastic at the end...come on mccain! my prayers are constant and my fingers have been crossed for a while, but we shall see. peace.

cindilou

Mood:  cheeky

hmm havent written a good blog in a while, my bad. but sorry, ive been so busy, dang, life has been good. let's see ill cover the highlights i guess. friday, on halloween, me, kevin, and victor went fishing, haha, it was so much fun, but all we caught was catfish :( but still, i had a blast. then i had to leave early to go get my sister and head to the hoedown at first baptist, i found some sweet cowboy boots in my garage, and not gonna lie, i rather enjoyed wearing those boots haha, but by the end of all the squaredancing, my back hurt sooooo bad. but it was definitely worth it. there was a cricket spitting contest and i joined in! haha, can you believe it? me neither, but haha im glad i did it, just to say i spit a cricket, not many people can say that ya know. then there was an egg toss and benny was a horrible partner, he throws weird so we failed epically, but it was fun. then i learned how to dance cotten-eyed joe, haha it was really difficult in the boots but i managed. then we did the electric slide and my new friend matt just came to america in august from south africa and he has a sweet accent and everything lol, but anyways sometimes he just looks at americans like we're crazy and he doesnt understand, so haha, i got to teach him the electric slide, it was funny. he finally got it by the end of the song haha. then bradley and his band led worship for an hour, it was fun, bradley is so amazing, he's gonna be famous some day, i promise. hmm the rest of the weekend did not top halloween, so hmm yesterday. yesterday i got an 87 on my anatomy test and a 94 on the practical!!! i was so excited, that was the hardest test ive ever ever taken so afterwards i just felt like huggin the whole world. it was nice. then later that night i took matt out to show him some more of florida cuz he still has not been out much, so i took him, well, to the beach of course! first we got amazing pizza that i thought matt would like, but he still likes african food better. but then we went to the beach, it was fun, we stayed there for a while, it was night, so it was gettng really really cold so when we got back in my car and looked at the time it was only 8:30 so we're like what? haha, so then we went to riverfront for the rest of the night. i was disappointed though, didnt see any dolphins :( but still, it was a fun night.

cinni

Mood:  surprised

I love Jesus, nuff said. =)

 love cindi lou

Mood:  irritated

i feel like i havent written in a while but mainly i havent really had anything constructive to say i guess. been kinda busy with school and hangin with friends and whatnot. i made a couple of new awesome christian friends over the weekend at a party, that was exciting. haha i had a lot of fun. this morning i got a 54 on an anatomy test and this was after i pretty much studied all day and night sunday and an hour and a half this morning, so yea, that was exciting. and then this guy in one of my classes keeps asking me out but i dont know what to say without like hurting his feelings. so thats getting annoying and then a close friend of mine likes me now and it's driving me mad and its all confusing and im sick of it and this other guy realized i was single and gah! just let me be, please, like seriously!!! as my mom says lol "MEN ARE EEEEVIL!" lol, well i know most men arent evil, but gosh darnit, they sure are annoying. i just want everybody to leave me alone and just stop it! gosh, i hate it. last night out of nowhere, like on the ride home from church i was silent the whole time, just studying. and then when i got home, i was about to go into my room and my dad yells "CINDI!" and was like whoa lol and im like "yea?" and then he went on and on for like half an hour that i cant marry a drunk guy cuz then i will hate my life and ill be miserable and im not really sure where he was going and i dont know why he would think i would just go off and marry some drunk guy, gosh idk, lol it was amusing though. haha. well sorry this blog was really lame, nothin much to say.

cind